While spending a mini vacation in
"One West" at the V A, I had time to contemplate the why's of my
life. My mind wandered through many scenarios of how I wound up sitting there
staring at the walls instead of sitting on my boat watching a sunset or sunrise.
I did come up with several conclusions. Here is my list, because they are
relevant to all humans. I think we are all sometimes lacking in these.
Self-care! We are great at
seeing it in others but somehow, we seem to believe that we don't need it or...
we feel somewhere deep down that we are not worthy.
Strength! Inner and outer... Being
strong is useful when you are trying to lift a car off of a terrified chipmunk
but it is not useful when you need to practice self-care. As humans, we need interaction
and feedback to walk our path. We also need vulnerability. When our strength
becomes too strong, we become brittle and breakable. Soft steel is bendable and
fixable. It can be re-forged with fire after a battle.
Compassion! It is sometimes hard to feel compassion
for others when standing in a maelstrom of chaos and drama.
This is when all of us must question our role in the chaos and learn to step
back and simply "be still and be quiet". Sometimes, taking that
moment is all that is needed to find the right path that will carry us away
from it all and set us back on our rightful path. Understanding that
there are never innocent bystanders in chaos is paramount to our understanding
of self-responsibility to ourselves and others.
Gratitude! This is probably the hardest for
us to understand and practice. Being grateful for all those little
things in life that actually make life bearable is extremely difficult when we
are being bombarded by the big stuff.
After taking care of a good friend of
mine while he died, I was filled with rage and angst. I was not fit company for
anyone so I left and went in search of something unknowable at the time. What I
found was something as lost and battered by circumstances as I was. She sat in
a tiny sea-grass infested cove on the edge of Conch Key. To this day, I believe
that we found and saved each other. She saved me from the destructive habits of
rage and angst and I saved her from the rocky shores of uncertainty that faces
all old and neglected boats. The most unlikely relationship emerged. For the last
seven years, I have poured my soul into Diogenes and she has in her own way
poured her soul into me. Through all of this, I have found a path through my
own chaos and I have cast away most of the habits that cause me harm. I am
still a work in progress.
It is hard to be grateful that my heart
is strong and healthy when the world around me is filled with rage and angst. I
hope you caught that, because it is not lost on me at all. I have been and done
that and just maybe I went through it and came to these conclusions so that I
can help others through it. Even though it is hard to express, I am
grateful for Rob's death because it set him free from his chaos. It also set me
on a path that would bring me to Diogenes and an understanding of my own
chaos. None of this is random and none of it is designed. It is all
created by our own personal choices, Choices that may have been made years or
decades ago. If nothing else, we must come to an understanding that those choices
can be changed and sometimes must be changed for us to continue on our paths.
We do not have to stay in a place of harm or pain. Any one of us can
choose to step away from the chaos and choose to find peace.
I am grateful to each and every one of you.
Our paths have crossed for a reason that we may have, as of yet, not been able
to understand. I do know that understanding will come as we grow in the chaos
that surrounds our lives. Know that I am here and will stand with each of you,
giving you a hand to steady you in this time of strife. By giving you a hand,
you in turn will steady me. That is the beauty in sharing.
Be at peace and know that you are loved
and cherished by those around you.
always,
'cept
